I disable the AI, kill myself, respawn and fly upstairs, spawn a floppy G-Man, http://replace.me/27924.txt the poser and face-poser, and everything is all set. Flex Scale: Garry’s Mod Memes, comics, machinima—there are all sorts of wonders and horrors Garry’s Mod can be used for. I give myself all the weapons, then walk into the corner, drop a grenade, and squat on it. Doenload done something wrong, though, because Breen won’t wake up. It’s all done in an engine agnostic way. I guess Skyrim players are just too busy getting busy and fighting Macho Man Randy Savage to spend their time becoming certified dragon pilots.
 
 

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We can lift our system off and put it on the source engine it actually started on the source engine. But at the moment we’re enjoying playing around with it and that’s enough right now. Newman also links to this —something he describes as “one of the many prototypes [he and his team] are working on.

There’s been a lot of Half-Life 2 talk lately, what with Marc Laidlaw creatively writing some gender-swapped fan fiction that revealed his vision for the missing Episode 3 and Lever Softworks speeding up the release schedule of its Half-Life 2: Aftermath mod.

In fact, it feels like there there’s pretty much always a bit of Half-Life 2 chatter drifting around because it’s a celebrated hunk of first-person shootery and we’re still wondering well, maybe not so much now if we’ll ever see Half-Life 3. It wasn’t this most recent surge of Half-Life 2 nostalgia that led me to play through the final chapter of Half-Life 2 a total of 15 times in 2 days.

I love Half-Life 2, and I’ll still play certain chapters of it every now and then. But when I play it, I never play the last chapter, and I didn’t want to this week, and I certainly didn’t want to play it 15 times in two days.

Also: I’ll never play it again. Why I played it this week: I was working on some Half-Life 2 stuff for an upcoming issue of our magazine, and my contribution involved using Garry’s Mod, which I have not used in a very, very long time.

I had a specific goal in mind: to reach the end of the game, where spoiler there’s an explosion on top of the spoiler citadel, Alyx spoiler is there and shields her face, G-Man walks out of the explosion and says spoiler some things before stuffing Gordon Freeman back into the interdimensional broom spoiler closet.

Seemed easy enough. I wait for the explosion, then disable the game’s AI using the console, which will freeze everyone in their tracks. Five minutes, tops. So you take a coffin ride, there’s a ton of moustache-twirling from Dr. Breen and a lot of chit-chat from everyone else before Breen, being almost as stupid as Freeman, sets you free. Cool, I’m free. I noclip up through the map to the top of the citadel, but then realize, oh yeah, I need Alyx I don’t think I can pose her as well as she poses herself and the explosion.

I’ll need to actually play through the entire chapter to reach the climactic end. So, I noclip back down into Breen’s office but apparently I’ve passed through a trigger or something and the sequence won’t continue.

I start the chapter over, ride the coffin, listen to the chats, Breen frees me, we pursue, he gets distracted while Skyping with a large alien cyber-maggot, I get my gravity gun back, I fight the Combine and remember how to get to the top of the citadel without using noclip to fly, I shoot orbs at the thingie, the thingie breaks, and Alyx hops out of a window I probably could have used to avoid that entire fight. There’s an explosion, Alyx throws her hands up, I disable the AI, and everything pauses.

I open the Garry’s Mod menu, spawn a G-Man ragdoll, and take out the posing tool. Only the posing tool doesn’t come out. Nothing comes out. The only tool I can use is the regular old gravity gun. That won’t do. I reload the map to start again. Coffin, Breen, Combine, orbs, explosion. Same thing. Either the game or the mod isn’t letting me use the tools I need at the end of the game.

I begin again. Maybe I’m being denied the tools because at the start of the chapter all of Gordon’s weapons are confiscated by the weapon confiscating machine Breen has installed outside his office, probably due to all the other weapon-bearing scientists constantly riding inescapable metal coffins to the top of his office building to kill him.

When Breen frees me, I use a console code to give me all the weapons, which I wrongly assume will give me all the tools as well. I fight through the Combine again using the rocket launcher, because why not to trigger the final scene, but once again I can’t use the posing tool. It’s been a couple hours at this point — this is like a 15 minute sequence — and I’m not sure I’ll be able to get this pose to work at all. After Breen frees me, I start noclipping around the map because I can’t think of anything else to do.

At one point I apparently pass through a kill-trigger, presumably the one that ends the game if you fall off the catwalk while fighting on the roof, and I die. Since this is G-Mod and not Half-Life 2, it doesn’t reload the chapter but just respawns me back at the start of the level with the chapter still in progress—this time with all my Garry’s Mod tools working.

So I just need to play through the chapter and die at some point. I start again, Breen frees me, I disable the AI, and everyone freezes. I give myself all the weapons, then walk into the corner, drop a grenade, and squat on it. I die, respawn at the bottom with my tools, noclip back to the office, and enable the AI. Everyone wakes up and continues as if Gordon Freeman didn’t just blow up his own ass and then rise through the floor a minute later with a buncha weird-ass physics tools.

I continue through the sequence, get to the top of the Citadel, blow it up, and pause. My tools are gone again. I don’t actually say dang. I don’t know what happened, but it’s been like three hours of this and all I’ve done is watch people talk and have a grenade go off three inches from my testicles. I’m done for the night. I wake up the next morning and sit glumly through the beginning of the chapter again.

This time I wait until later in the chapter, pause, die, and return with my tools. I fight through the Combine and make it to the top.

Explosion, pause. Spawn a ragdoll. My tools. They’re sort of working but not really. There’s no beam extending from the poser, but I can pick up the ragdoll. I can’t turn turn the ragdoll, though, no matter how I try. I can move it, but I can’t rotate it to face me. This won’t do. Maybe I’ll forget the ragdoll altogether.

I mean, G-Man walks out of the explosion anyway and stands next to Alyx, maybe I’ll just use the faceposer to give him a different expression while he’s standing there.

I seem to remember being able to pose faces on ‘living’ NPCs. I play through the entire chapter, again , making sure to sit on a grenade and die at one point, then reach the ending. G-Man walks out, I pause, then shoot him with the face-poser, only I don’t because the game won’t let me use it. Okay, new plan.

I’ll go up and pose the ragdoll before the explosion. Well, first I’ll take a break to scream into a pillow, and then I’ll go up and pose the ragdoll before the explosion. Then I’ll go back downstairs, fight my way back upstairs , then when the roof explodes and I disable the AI, I should be all set with the posed G-Man in place. I pause, I pose, I go back down. I’ve done something wrong, though, because Breen won’t wake up. He won’t rise up through the citadel in his force-field while mocking me, so the ending of the game won’t trigger properly.

I start over. After the coffin ride and family meeting, I make sure Breen starts rising through the citadel before I start messing with console codes. I disable the AI, kill myself, respawn and fly upstairs, spawn a floppy G-Man, use the poser and face-poser, and everything is all set. Then the game ends and the screen goes dark, because Breen, even with no AI functioning, has risen all the way to the top of the citadel and escaped, thus causing me to fail my mission.

After a break to put my face in my hands and moan for a bit, I start again. By carefully noclipping I manage to avoid messing with the chapter’s routine. I die, I fly, I pose, I return and run through the sequence again. At the top of the citiadel, Alyx hops through the window and runs smack into the G-Man I’ve posed.

I’ve placed him right in her path. But Alyx is smart. She doesn’t miss a beat and sidesteps the obstruction, bless her. The explosion explodes for the umpteenth time.

I pick up the frozen Alyx and reposition her a bit. Weirdly, I notice the explosion has actually undone some of my ragdoll posing. Even though I’ve locked all of G-Man’s joints, his leg is swinging away and his briefcase is askew.

Thankfully, my tool is still working properly. I wedge his bits back into place, noting how his limbs are a bit floaty in the timeless portion of the chapter. I take a hundred screenshots for safety, check the folder to see that the pictures are actually there, then take a hundred more. I never want to have to come back here again. So that’s why I had to play Half-Life 2’s final chapter 15 times in 2 days.

I have no doubt there was a much easier way to get this done, and I’m sure there will be plenty of helpful comments below to point them out, and they will probably make me weep at my lost hours. On the plus side, I’ve got some closure with Half-Life 2 and if we never get a sequel, at least the ending to this one will be forever burned in my brain. Achievement hunting on Steam is serious business. While Valve’s storefront might not have Xbox’s Gamerscore or PlayStation’s Trophies, there are still plenty of PC gamers who appreciate the way Steam achievements challenge them to play games in new and interesting ways.

Then there’s the satisfaction of knowing you’re one of just a small percentage of players who’ve explored every nook and cranny, maxed out every stat, or earned every gold medal a game has to offer.

The thing is, a lot of Steam achievements are kind of boring. Kill 10, enemies, hit level 99 in every class, finish the game on Ultra Nightmare Hardcore difficulty—most of the objectives feel like they’ve fallen straight out of a free-to-play MMO’s quest log. Even the rarest achievements are often little more than tedious grind fests, requiring you to play online matches in a multiplayer game with no active player base, or fight alongside a game’s developer when that developer has long ago moved onto their next project.

These achievements aren’t particularly fun to earn, let alone read about. But buried in Steam’s massive catalog of games are some truly obscure, brutally difficult achievements that less than 0. These are achievements worthy of the name. Most of us will never earn them, but we can dream. Note: Total owners approximated from SteamSpy.

Verified achievement stats through AStats. For something you could complete in the downtime between Dota matches, frantic FPS Devil Dagger’s one and only achievement has managed to defy That might seem odd given how simple its requirement sounds: all you have to do is survive for seconds.

I mean, I do that all the time. That last seconds? I just survived that. But yeah. Surviving Devil Daggers is a wee bit tougher than running out the clock in real life. Despite the game selling for a mere fiver, just 0. Watching replays of those runs is equal parts mesmerizing and depressing, making it painfully clear just how amateur my own skills are.

I could probably spend the next year playing nothing but Devil Daggers and still not come close to the graceful death-dealing of players like the world-record-smashing bowsr. When the apocalypse hits and the whole world goes to hell, I’ll be the redshirt incinerated in the first ten seconds. Crusader Kings 2, champion of the grand strategy genre, is full of intricate, multi-layered achievements few players have managed to unlock. From installing a female ruler in the five baronies of the Orthodox Pentarchy, to trampling the Pope with a horde of elephants, over a dozen eclectic achievements are currently sitting at a completion rate of less than 0.

The one I want to shout out, though, is the ‘Not so Bad’ achievement awarded for surviving the End Times. Ostensibly, you unlock this achievement by surviving the rise of the Prophet of Doom and the Black Death he’s convinced will destroy humanity. A Crusader Kings player going by the username Xolotl on Reddit , however, inadvertently earned themselves the achievement due to their investment in high-quality hospital care and their imprisonment of the Prophet for disturbing the peace.

The Prophet then hanged himself, but not before sending the player a letter that read: ‘If you are reading this letter, I am with God, or with Lucifer If not, then I was right. I’ve not had the time to play Crusader Kings 2, but after reading this story, I think I’m going to have to clear my schedule.

Any game where you can avert the End Times through hygiene is a winner in my book. Bringing a sword to a sword fight — As an American soldier kill an Axis soldier wielding a Katana, with a Katana. Stick it to Tojo — As an Allied soldier, kill Axis soldiers with a bayonet. Total Owners: 2. Rising Storm’s focus on historically authentic, asymmetrical WWII combat means that, naturally, American soldiers do not spawn into the battlefield with katanas. In order to get one, you have to defeat a Japanese soldier who’s carrying one.

And in order to get the “Bringing a sword It’s a hard scenario to concoct in an FPS where rifles and grenades are the preferred way to fight. Total Owners: ,00Achievement percentage: 1. An achievement that requires ditching the holy mouse and keyboard for a filthy gamepad?

What does BIT. Sure, it makes driving games a bit twitchy, and performing combos in third-person action games can be tricky without analogue sticks, and fighting games don’t always work so great, and stealth sequences tend to be a little wonky with WASD….

So maybe gamepads aren’t that bad. Still, locking an achievement to a specific piece of hardware is a surefire way to tick off achievement hunters.

The BIT. SENSE’ drove the devs to delete the achievement from Steam completely, which technically makes it one of the rarest achievements out there. Not quite as rare as a game with motion controls that don’t feel like total garbage, but still….

Games are meant to be played—we usually take that much for granted. It’s a little odd, then, when a game actively encourages you not to play it.

Odd, however, is what The Stanley Parable’s all about. I mean, one of the game’s endings involves running back and forth between two buttons for four hours. And that’s not to mention the pointed commentary on the nature of free will and the human tendency towards obeisance. Like I said, odd. The Stanley Parable’s weirdest elements, however, are definitely its achievements. In addition to an achievement simply entitled ‘Unachievable’ paradoxically earned by 3.

Since The Stanley Parable released in October , no one can legitimately earn this achievement until October next year. Of course, that hasn’t stopped some unscrupulous Steam users from setting their computer clocks forward to unlock the achievement early. Cheating to not play a game? I guess some people will do anything for their sweet cheevos.

Addict – You have wasted a year of your life playing GMod! Total Owners: You can do a lot of things in the hours that make up a single year. You could play , matches of Rocket League. You could marathon the entire current run of The Simpsons—all episodes—38 times over. You could hitch a ride on a rocket and fly to Mars, with enough time left over to plant the seeds of an interplanetary rebellion.

You could also spend every one of those hours playing Garry’s Mod in order to unlock the ‘Addict’ achievement. And when I say playing, I don’t just mean booting up the game and letting it idle in the menu. You have to be connected to an active server for your time to count.

Unsurprisingly, the hefty investment involved has kept the achievement’s completion percentage at just 1. I have to wonder, though, how many people left their computers on while they were working or sleeping solely to unlock this achievement?

Kind of puts all those pesky microtransactions to shame, doesn’t it? Speaking of money, Train Simulator boasts some of the rarest achievements on Steam, but that’s not because they’re brutally difficult or stubbornly obscure. Heck, the achievement descriptions make it pretty obvious what you’ve got to do: the ‘It Works For Dogs! It’s not like the game’s unpopular either, with nearly a million owners on Steam and a median playtime of a respectable 7.

Worse, Train Simulator ties many of its achievements to its DLC, leading to a wealth of 0 percent and 0. I’d want a real honest-to-god train if I was forking over that much cash.

If it was anything like Train Simulator, though, it’d probably lock out the train whistle as premium DLC. Artifact Archaeologist — You personally retrieved all Eight Artifacts!

Total Owners: 4. A whole lot of people play ARK: Survival Evolved, and yet even the most common of its seven achievements has been earned by less than 5 percent of players. It sounds simple enough, but this is where ARK’s nature as an Early Access game comes back to bite it on the rump. This isn’t true. There are 14 artifacts in total, 10 of which can be obtained through normal play, 3 which are locked to the Scorched Earth DLC, and one which can only be spawned through a console command.

For a game that has already seen its fair share of controversy , ARK has left quite a few achievement hunters pretty disappointed. Still, at least they can take solace in the giant bees that have just been added to the game. That’s something, right? Dragonrider – Tame and ride 5 dragons Total Owners: 11 million unreliable due to free weekend Completion percentage: 0.

I’m going to go out on a limb here and assume you’ve played Skyrim, or at least heard enough about it to understand the game’s premise. You’re the dragonborn, you need to save the world from an evil dragon, yada yada yada. In short, the game basically revolves around dragons. How, then, is the achievement for riding dragons so rare?

Only 0. Who wouldn’t want a dragon as their personal chauffeur? It’s not like you’d have to worry about anyone jacking your scaly pal; any thief foolish enough to try would be charred to a crisp before they could shout Fus Ro Dah. I guess Skyrim players are just too busy getting busy and fighting Macho Man Randy Savage to spend their time becoming certified dragon pilots.

Total Owners: , Completion percentage: 2. Hats are all the rage these days. I have it on good authority from my stock broker that the hat economy is only going to go up—and that’s coming from a man who wears a top hat, so you know it’s legit.

My wardrobe is already full of baseball caps, bowler hats, fezes, and beanies, just waiting for the day when my fabric fortune will be ready to claim. The only thing I don’t quite understand is why my broker keeps mentioning Dota.

Eh, never mind. I’m sure it’s nothing. Video games, it turns out, are just as keen to cash in on the hat craze. Black Mesa, the fan-made recreation of the original Half-Life, adds in the ‘Rare Specimen’ achievement that tasks good old Gordon Freeman with locating a hidden purple top hat and lugging it all the way from the Black Mesa Research Facility on Earth to the alien dimension of Xen. It might not sound that tricky, but apparently Gordon’s more interested in trivial things like saving the world instead of securing his future in the hat economy–only 2.

Wait, that gives me an idea. What if I started selling digital hats instead of physical ones? Ooh, I think I’m onto something here. I better stop typing before someone beats me to the punch…. PC gaming has a long and storied history of menu and customization sliders. So long and storied, in fact, that I can’t be bothered to research it. Instead, I’m just going to post gifs of some of my favorite game sliders, be they sliders that adjust a character’s facial features, body parts, or accessories, or ones that let you tweak some element of a game from zero to , and beyond!

Here are PC gaming’s best sliders. If I missed one of your favorites, just slide into the comments and let me know. Open world survival game Reign of Kings has a lot going for it—including the ability to kill yourself by bashing your face with a rock you can store in your own butt —and that includes a surprisingly robust character creation utility, which allows you to adjust nearly every aspect of your avatar.

Of all the sliders you can use to lovingly or comically sculpt your character, my favorite is the foot size slider. It’s notable, I feel, that when maxed out it actually and appreciably changes the height of your character by about six in-game inches.

More games should allow this: just imagine Geralt sitting in that tub dangling a pair of size 75 feet over the side. Saint’s Row The Third’s character creation menu is refreshingly unrestricted, allowing you to create any sort of character you like. This isn’t one of the standard “You’re a dude, so you have a dude voice and can’t wear makeup” type of utilities: you can pretty much do whatever the hell you like.

It’s wonderful and inclusive and literally every game should follow its example. The best of all its many sliders, however, is the Sex Appeal slider, which lets you embiggen your boobs or your junk, as seen above.

Feast your bulging eyes on some bulges. Memes, comics, machinima—there are all sorts of wonders and horrors Garry’s Mod can be used for. The Face Poser tool is just one of many useful gadgets, but it comes with an amazing slider called Flex Scale.

Amazing, that is, when applied to a model it wasn’t meant for. As any comic creator can tell you, the TF2 models, while compatible with Garry’s Mod, don’t quite work the same way as the HL2 models when using the Face Poser.

Still, the results are bizarre and disturbing and certainly entertaining. And if you’re looking to create actual, usable facial expressions on TF2 characters, there’s one or two mods for Garry’s Mod that make it much easier. As a huge scaredy-pants who doesn’t like being scared in his pants, I’m always appreciative of the brightness slider that comes with Every Horror Game Ever.

While its intentions are to make sure you can’t see the dark and spooky places very well, and thus heighten the scares, I use it for the opposite reason. To make things as bright as possible. So the scares aren’t so scary. So no, Every Horror Game Ever, I will not fall into your trap by adjusting the brightness so the mark in the center is barely visible.

I will use it so all of the marks are as visible as humanly possible. Thanks for the warning, though. I’ve never personally played Black Desert Online, and after tinkering with its character creation menu for a bit, I probably never will.

That’s no diss, it’s a compliment: there are so many options in BDO’s character creation menu I can’t imagine ever completing the process of building my avatar. It’s amazing. Among the umpteen various sliders, however, I’m picking the eyelash length slider as my favorite. I’m used to selecting eyebrows for my character, but never lashes, and not only are there several type to choose from, you can dictate how long they are.

That’s customization. The character customization is pretty great in WWE 2K17, and even includes sliders for enhancing veins in your wrestler’s chest and stomach, if you’re looking to create a wrestler suffering from acute thrombophlebitis. I guess won’t post an animated gif on this one, though if you want to see a naked man’s dong getting rapidly bigger and smaller you can check it out in this post or contact me on Skype very late in the evenings if anyone but me answers, hang up immediately.

Conan’s Endowment Slider is so great it’s even been set to music! I suspect players either opt for setting the endowment slider either all the way to the right, or all the way to the left. There’s simply no middle-ground when it comes to video game wieners. Though, with modding tools now available , I suspect we’ll see more options for genital sculpting sometime soon. When I’m asked about my feelings on Borderland’s Claptrap—note that I’ve never once been asked—I’d have to gently say I’m not a fan.

To put it bluntly, Claptrap talks too much, too loudly, and I hate him. While Borderlands 2 didn’t have a separate slider for dialogue volume, Borderlands: The Pre-Sequel did. I can only assume the reason for it is fan feedback. Shush, little robot. You’re trying too hard. This article was originally published in PC Gamer issue There s never been anything quite like Garry s Mod, and I d hazard a guess at there never being anything like it ever again. It s a mod of the Source engine, made to enable just about anyone to build, pose or simply mess around with its tools and tricks.

It s a freeform sandbox designed to let you do whatever you want. At least, that s it at the base level. On top of making it easy for players to toy around, it also gives modders a framework to work on new, often absurd ideas. Entirely original game modes have been created in Garry s Mod, short films have been made with it using players as actors, or utilising complex stop-motion techniques.

And it s one of the most popular games on Steam. It celebrates its 10th birthday this month, and, as of January this year, has sold 10 million copies. Since its release in , Garry s Mod has grown into a hub for a host of other games and weird concepts, primarily developed by fans and small teams. There s one, though, that really took the cake in its size and ambition: GMod Tower.

First publicly available in July , GMod Tower had one primary aim: to create a large social space within Garry s Mod where people could chat, play together, and generally create a community that would accommodate and welcome anyone. A hotel-style lobby for people to meet and chat, with the capability for the infinite rooms of an endless hotel tower.

It was developed by PixelTail Games, a group based in Washington, but brought together contributors from around the globe. A team of four, working under the names MacDGuy, Mr Sunabouzu, Nican, and AzuiSleet, were the ones that worked on the first public release of GMod Tower, after some years of people dropping in and out of the project. It’s easy to excel in PBS! Our intuitive, responsive controls and fluid movement systems make gameplay a cinch!

Your device won’t hold you back in PBS! You can disable this feature by adjusting your device settings. Developers can show information here about how their app collects and uses your data. Learn more about data safety No information available. Any updates about the game?

We all know that this is our childhood game and there are still some people who love this game. I hope you can find a way to improve this game. I love the graphics of this game but due to its bad control system, it ruins the experience.

Try at least copy the control system of CODM. We will play this game forever. I hope that the devs will reply to this review. Fingers crossed :’. Downloaded it last night uninstalling it now.

A player throws frag grenades like it was a rifle. Speed hacks. Jumping on mid-air. Still get killed even if your behind a wall.

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